50 Things I'm Not Allowed to Do: By Reno
by Luddles
Summary: Reno lit Tseng's office on fire, so Tseng decided to have him write a list of 50 things he isn't allowed to do as punishment. Just... randomness. Complete and utter randomness mostly written while I was bored at school. Some TsengxElena


**Disclaimer: DISCLAIMED! Ha. **

**A/N: Hey, if you like this and you like Kingdom Hearts, go read "50 Things Demyx Isn't Allowed to Do" because it is hilarious and half the inspiration for this. **

**Oh yeah, and my computer's spell check just told me that "yo" is not a word. That is getting added to the dictionary, I am writing about Reno, silly computer. **

**50 Things I am Not Allowed to Do**

**By Reno**

So… yeah, Tseng is making me write a list of 50 things I'm not allowed to do. It's totally unfair, yo! All I did was set his office on fire this morning. Man, that was entertaining though. He was screaming and everything. Heh. On with the list! I've got to get this thing over with so that I can go pour some pickle juice in Tseng's coffee as a 'thank you' for making me write this thing.

I am not allowed to set Tseng's office on fire.

Or Elena's office.

I am especially not allowed to set anything belonging to the President on fire.

I am not allowed to have the keys to the room where we keep our explosives.

I'm also not allowed to have the keys to the vault with the explosives actually in it that is inside said room.

And I can't set that room on fire either.

I'm just not allowed to set _anything_ on fire, _ever_.

I'm not allowed to use my helicopter for "recreational purposes".

Like trying to see if it can fly underwater.

Or having a party inside of it.

I'm not allowed to have a party in the Shinra Building either.

I'm not allowed to crawl though the air vents for any purposes whatsoever unless I am on a mission.

I'm not allowed to keep a chimera as a pet.

Same goes for any other kind of monster.

I'm not allowed to convince Cloud that SOLDIER has changed its uniforms to hot pink leotards (that was fun, yo!)

I'm not allowed to end every sentence with "yo".

That last one was bogus, yo!

I'm not allowed to show up for work drunk.

Or hung over.

I'm now allowed to get drunk at work, either.

Or have alcohol at work.

I'm not allowed to start bar fights, 'specially when Laney is around.

I'm not allowed to make fun of Tseng because he gets seasick.

And carsick.

And airsick.

I'm technically not allowed to ignore the buttons on my shirt, but I will anyways.

For my own sake, I'm not allowed to call Cloud a "chocobo head".

I'm also not allowed to call his sword a "giant vegetable knife" for the same reason.

I also can't flirt with Tifa because she would kill me and then Cloud would dig me up and kill me again.

Elena says I'm not allowed to call her "Laney" but I will anyways.

I'm not allowed to decide that the Turks are now the Power Rangers and get everyone new uniforms to wear accordingly.

I'm not allowed to write theme songs for the Turks.

Especially if they are rude, vulgar, and would get me arrested.

I'm not allowed to get arrested.

When confronting Sephiroth, I am not allowed to ask him who does his hair.

I am not allowed to ask Yuffie to teach me how to be a ninja.

I AM ABSOLUTELY NEVER ALLOWED TO FLIRT WITH ELENA OR ELSE TSENG WILL BRUTALLY MURDER ME.

I am not Axel. Nor am I his clone.

I am never allowed to say the words "got it memorized?".

I am not allowed to steal security tapes and post them on the internet.

Even if they are of Tseng kissing Elena.

Or Rufus singing karaoke.

Or Rude playing with a kitten.

I am not allowed to spread rumors that Cloud stole Zack's girlfriend. (It's totally true, yo!)

I am not allowed to claim to be haunted by Zack's ghost.

I am not allowed to tell Tseng and Elena to "get a room", especially if I'm watching them from an air vent.

I am not allowed to repeatedly say "Vincent Valentine is a vegan vampire" even if it is a nice tongue twister.

I am not allowed to repeatedly say _anything_.

I am not allowed to give Rude all my paperwork (yeah, like I'll follow that one)

And most of all, I am NOT allowed to crash any more Shinra helicopters.

Eh, it should probably only take like a week or so to break all o' these. Actually, I'll probably break 'em all before Tseng even gets this list! Oh… he's done with his coffee… Where did my pickle juice go?


End file.
